you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
