i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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