I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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