Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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