I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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