They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
