Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
