I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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