whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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