we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
