i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
