Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
