Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
