I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
