Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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