Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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