It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
