so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i now understand why vodka
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
