you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
