I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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