planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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