when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
