He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
