Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
