I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
