last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
