You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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