I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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