I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
