I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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