I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
