So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
