He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
