sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
from now on my penis is your penis
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
