Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
