i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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