the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
