Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
