using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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