um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
