Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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