a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
