He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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