Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
