Hey man sorry I got all grabby
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
