Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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