I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
