He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
