I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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