somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he puts the penis in happiness.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
