How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
