I love black thongs
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
